


Some words are too scary to ever say out loud.

by orphan_account



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, LATER, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sad, Sad Luke, Self Harm, Texting, but not really, idk - Freeform, kind of mean Michael, maybe smut, mentions of selfharm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-26
Updated: 2014-09-05
Packaged: 2018-02-14 22:58:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2206209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The voices in my mind tells me I’m stupid for believing in the possibility of you and me</p><p>Luke is a supid shit that gets drunk alone that loves Ashton but would never tell him, but drunk Luke loves to text people and tell them how sad he is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Drinking all by yourself is fucking stupid

**Author's Note:**

> I'm drunk and alone and this is was happen when I'm out of wine, sorry. Also this have been written in a kind of drunk state so it's most likely full of spelling errors and yeah. It will also not be updated until I feel sad the next time so maybe tomorrow or hopefully not right?
> 
> I'm shit at updating and I either write like five chapters in a week or I don't write anything for like a month. If you feel like I'm taking to long and want to yell at me, I'm toldyoutobefine on tumblr :)

Luke woke in a room that was so dark that he could barely see the silhouette of the person lying on the far other side of the bed. Honestly he wasn’t quite sure that the person was real, but the person was to far away for Luke to make sure. Still he was fairly sure that the other person was a boy, or it could be a girl with short hair. Tough Luke had no memories of even talking to any girls earlier that night; he didn’t even recall leaving the hotel, or even his room. So how he ended up with a stranger in his bed was not something Luke could even begin to understand.

To be honest Luke might have had a little too much to drink last night, because getting drunk all by himself is what Luke does, but he was almost sure that he hadn’t gotten so drunk that he would black out like this. He was still wearing mostly all of his clothes. Only his shirt was gone. Probably on the floor somewhere, having been dragged of to avoid the awful heat in the room. Luke wanted to take of his jeans too, and his socks. How could he even manage to go to bed with socks on?

-

The nausea Luke was feeling made him stay put in the bed, too scared of puking if he moved at all. It wasn’t that bad when he stayed completely still, but he was feeling like he was floating and yeah, he was probably still a little drunk. He had no idea of what time it was and he wanted to find he phone, but moving was still not really a good idea. But the other person in the bed made Luke feel really uneasy.

-

The other boys had gone out without him the night before and he had stayed in, telling them something about his head hurting or maybe he told them it was his stomach. He had no idea. All of Luke’s lies was really getting too much for him to keep up with. There had been a time when he told himself he needed to stop lying, but it was all a mess anyways, so he didn’t bother.

The thing was that since the other boys had gone out and he had been all alone, and there was no way Luke had decided to go out all by himself. No matter how drunk he was. The room he was staying in was also supposed to be just his, after he had thrown a small fit the last time he had to share with Calum. (Calum had this thing about not leaving Luke alone when he was going to shower or just change his clothes. And as of lately Luke had way to many scars that it was impossible to hide.) The look of hurt he had gotten from not only Calum but also Michael and Ashton was awful but he just couldn’t let them see.

Because he had his own room it couldn’t be any of the other boys, since they would be too wasted to find their way to Luke’s room when getting back from wherever they had been. It had to be a stranger, that Luke had meet while drunk, and that meant that Luke had left the room last night and he didn’t ever wanted to find out what he had done. Even if it couldn’t be that bad, he as he still had jeans on.

-

After not moving for maybe 10 minutes more Luke need to get up and use the bathroom. And if he was going to throw up the bathroom was the place for him to be. It would also let him get away form the person in his bed, witch sounded good. He could even try to see if he knew them with the lights that would come form the bathroom.

Despite his bad luck Luke found his phone on the bedside table and clicked it to see what time it was. It still had to be really early, but Luke could be wrong. The light from the display was far too much and it felt like it lighted up the whole room, and it let Luke see that the other person in the bed was Ashton. Witch just made Luke even more confused. He still thought Ashton was mad at him from refusing to room with Calum and they hadn’t talked all of yesterday. What was he doing in Luke’s bed?

-  
Trying to be as quite as he could Luke got out of the bed and made his way to the bathroom. He needed to get away from Ashton and figure out what was going on. He was so happy that he was still wearing his jeans. It would have been such a disaster if he wasn’t. There was no way of telling how much worse the situation would be then.

After Luke had gotten down a little of water he didn’t feel as nauseated, and thought that he maybe could move around fine without throwing up. It was first then he got a good look of himself in the mirror and hand to hold back the loud sounds of shock he was about to make.

All of Luke was covered in hickies, well not all of him but Luke counted at least 12 and as someone that had never had more than one hicky before that was an extreme amount. The worst (and the fucking best) part was that if Ashton was asleep in his bed all of these had to come from him right? All the love bites on Luke had to be something that Ashton made, and Luke really didn’t know what he should think about that.

Firstly Luke was kind of mortified. As he didn’t remember even seeing Ashton last night, and it was no way form him to know what he might have told Ashton. Oh how Luke hoped he hadn’t gone and confessed his everlasting love to him. There was no way he could ever take that back. Though if he had and Luke had ended up with all of these marks it was a good thing right? But what if he hadn’t? And why had Ashton wanted to do this to Luke? Ashton told Luke about this girl he thought was hot like last week. Not that Ashton couldn’t think girls was not and also want to give Luke hickies, he just didn’t get why Ashton would tell him about that girl then.

-

None of this made any sense to Luke and he needed to know. Not knowing made him feel so bad and he just couldn’t handle it. His hands were already shaking and he just needed the stupid thoughts to go away. Those that told him that the only reason that Ashton would ever have done anything with Luke had to be because he was so drunk that he didn’t have any idea of what he was doing. Because really, nobody would ever want Luke.

Luke’s breath was starting to come short and he needed for it all to stop. He needed for none of this to be real. For his bed to be empty when he left the bathroom. For all of the hickies to disappear before anybody could see them. But since none of that could happen, Luke needed Ashton to not remember.

-

First after Luke had sunken to the floor just staring at nothing, had the idea of looking at his phone even accrued to him. He might have texted Ashton to come since he had been drunk and alone. And all Luke ever wanted, drunk or sober was for Ashton to be there with him.

There was far more text there than Luke had wanted there to be.

Luke: I’m bored and all aloneeeeeee

Ashton: Well you shouldn’t have stayed in alone in the room you needed all by yourself

Ashton: hahaha, ALLLLL BY YOURSEEEEEELF

Ashton: get it?

Ashton: Im so funny

Luke: ur not, and im alone and sad

Ashton: no sad lukeyyyyy

Luke: dont tell me what to do

Asthon: why are you sad?????????????

Luke: im always sad

Ashton: But ur my happy and cute lukey

Luke: im not nevermind me go have fun

Ashton: but lukeyyyyyyyyy

Luke: no

Ashton: calum and michael is boring anyways

Ashton: im coming back to u

Luke: no

Ashton: yes love u most anyways

Luke: what why

Ashton: u the cutest

Luke: but u hate me

Luke really had no idea of how that conversation had gotten him love bites from Ashton but he honestly didn't want to figure out.


	2. Sometimes drunk decisions can be great and awful at the same time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its a bit short but yeah, tell me what you think? :)

When Ashton woke up he wasn’t really quite sure where he was, or how he even gotten there. The only thing he could remember at the moment was that he had been kind of sad and confused last night. Not understanding what was going on with Luke, or why he had acted like he had. Being so mean to Calum when Ashton himself couldn’t even begin to understand how anybody could be mean to Calum. He was like a human puppy. 

As usual Ashton didn’t want to pressure Luke and he was also kind of mad. Not really but what had happen was just so unlike Luke and it just hurt. Therefore ignoring Luke was what he had decided to go with, and when Ashton thought about it, it had really been such an awful thing of him to do. There had to be a reason why Luke did what he did and Ashton should have confronted him instead of being a dick about it.

Ashton was just really bad about confrontation when it came to Luke, like there was so much he really needed to tell Luke but he could never make himself do it. For once Ashton should maybe tell Luke that he was kind of hopelessly in love with him, but no. Ashton had been avoiding that and would probably never tell. It wasn’t like Luke would ever love him back so why make the friendship awkward.

-

The pain Ashton felt in his head made him promise himself that he was never going to drink ever again. Witch meant like a week or so. Maybe less. But Ashton should really figure out where he was. He was supposed to be in his room with Calum but a drunk Calum would have ended up in his bed, saying something about hating to sleep alone. 

There wasn’t anybody else in the room with Ashton, so he really didn’t get where he was. It didn’t look like the room that was his and Calum’s so he was somewhere he wasn’t supposed to be. Also Ashton was wearing his underwear so he didn’t think he hooked up with someone. 

-

It was then Ashton heard something fall in the bathroom and someone whispering fuck. Actually he heard Luke whispering fuck. That was Luke’s voice and that meant that Ashton was in Luke’s room. And that made no sense, since Luke hadn’t gone out with them last night and Ashton had missed him. Calum and Michael had been dancing and Ashton had been all by himself and then he had gotten a text from Luke.

And then Ashton remembered leaving early to find Luke.

-

Ashton had showed up at Luke’s door with the intentions of comforting his friend since he was upset. Or well sounded upset for the text Ashton had gotten and mostly Ashton just wanted to be with Luke. 

He had been meet with a drunk and crying Luke that had refused to talk to him. He had just kept on crying and Ashton hadn’t had any idea of what to do. All he had wanted was for Luke to stop crying and be happy and just not be sad. Ashton couldn’t let Luke be sad. It made him feel like the world was falling apart and drunk Ashton had thought that it was all his fault since he had been a dick to Luke the whole day.

Drunk Ashton had after that figured out that the best way to make Luke feel better would be to kiss him. Or it could have just been that Ashton really wanted to kiss Luke and being drunk made him get the courage he never had sober. He might also have thought something about it being a great distraction to try and justify it. 

-

The thing that Ashton also remembered was that Luke had kissed him back, and not just that. Luke had dragged Ashton with him down on the bed and then things had gotten really heated. Ashton had gotten so far as dragging of both his own and Luke’s shirt when Luke had tensed up. 

It was when Ashton had gotten his hands on Luke’s jeans, to get them off Luke had seem to panic. Even in his drunken state Ashton had figured that he really needed to stop. And wow, Ashton felt like such an ass. Taking advantage of Luke like that. 

Luke had started to cry again, saying sorry over and over again until he had fallen asleep. Ashton had managed to hold his tears back until he had been sure that Luke was really sleeping. He had been so upset with himself, for kissing Luke and thinking Luke had wanted the same. He had been to drunk to be completely aware of what was happening and Ashton couldn’t take advantage of that. He was the worst friend, Luke had been upset and Ashton still didn’t know why. It made him want to cry again and he wanted to talk to Luke but he was so embarrassed and he couldn’t right now.

So when Luke got out of the bathroom Ashton pretended to still be asleep and when laid down on the far other end of the bed Ashton couldn’t even try to keep the tears from running down his face.

“I’m sorry for always fucking everything up. I don’t mean too. It’s just so hard to pretend to be happy all the time,” Luke whispered and Ashton felt like he was dying.


	3. There are a lot of things that could be fixed with talking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one could be triggering so just remember that before you read.

It took Luke a long time form he finished reading the text before he managed to stand up, and it was not all because he felt sick. Or well, it was because he felt sick but he didn’t just feel sick because of how hangover he was. He felt so awful and stupid and just like a waste of everybody time. Ashton would hate him if he remembered the night before and Luke would have even less reasons to keep trying.

All of him felt like it was itching and Luke just wanted to rip all of his skin of. A little piece at a time. Until it was all gone and he just didn’t get what made him want that. It was so stupid to feel that and he didn’t understand why he got these urges. It didn’t help. Imagining a blade blade being dragged along his arms, it was scary how much that clamed him. But it wasn’t enough. He needed his head to stop spinning. With these images and the thoughts of how much Ashton probably hated him. 

-

Luke quickly made sure that he had locked the bathroom door before he started to look for a razor. Hoping he still had some in his bags. There was always some, unless when he tired to get better and threw them all away. But he hadn’t been trying for a while so there had to be some.

It had been a while since he had felt this bad and he hadn’t hurt himself for maybe a week or more. Honestly Luke didn’t have ac clue about the timeframe. He didn’t count days or cuts or anything like that. Couldn’t make himself do that. Couldn’t focus on his bad habits like that. Mostly he just pretended that it wasn’t real until he needed to do it again. 

-

The small relief he felt when he found what he was looking for didn’t stop the shaking of his hands. Witch resulted in him dropping the razor on the floor and he could hear himself saying fuck to loud and it made him scared of Ashton waking up.

So he picked it up and stood silently on the floor for what felt like hours. Listen for any sounds that would indicate that Ashton was awake. There was no way Luke could cut if Ashton was awake and couldn’t notice. Ashton could never know.

-

When he didn’t hear anything he found some toilet paper and sat down on the floor. Luke caught a glimt of himself in the mirror and it was almost memorizing how fucked up he looked like. Sitting there with his jeans below his knees and a razor and toilet paper by his side. 

Though Luke didn’t really care that much anymore. He couldn’t care anymore. There wasn’t enough left in him to care. So he just took his razor and tried to decide where to cut. It had to be high enough for it to be covered by shorts, though he could always get away with wearing long once. Nobody would notice that.

He placed the razor on his left inner thigh; just bellow his most reasons scars. The once that were still a bright pink color, sill a little itchy and just really visible. A bunch more didn’t really matter. 

First he dragged the razor down once, and twice and after that he stopped counting. He kind of lost himself in the action and when the physical pain finally made the pain in his chest stop he looked down again. It looked a lot worse than it was, witch it almost always did. The high amount of shallow cuts. There were so many new once and Luke made his hand press down on them. Making them hurt even more. It made him smile and he almost wanted to laugh. The only thing stopping him was the thought of Ashton sleeping just outside the bathroom. 

-

Luke tried to dry all of the blood off, leaving the remaining skin around the cuts bright red. He managed to get his pants back on and tired to clean up the best he could, still high on the pain. Making everything so much easier. 

First when Luke stood at the door, not wanting to face Ashton, even a sleeping Ashton, the high seemed to fade away. Leaving Luke still panicky and unwilling. It made the tears come back but even a light pressure to the new cuts helped him get out the door and back into the bed. Even if it was still as far away from Ashton as he could come. 

Luke felt so stupid for acting like he had and he just wanted Ashton to understand, he just couldn’t tell. He wanted to say sorry and he figured he could tell a sleeping Ashton. 

“I’m sorry for always fucking everything up. I don’t mean too. It’s just so hard to pretend to be happy all the time”

“I’m sorry for being in love with you, and for being upset that you don’t feel the same. I get why you can’t love someone like me. I could never love me, so why should you,” the last part Luke added in his head since that was too scary to say to even a sleeping Ashton. It was to terrifying to even say out loud to himself. 

-

The physical pain form the new cuts managed to calm Luke enough to fall asleep again and if he dreamt for a life where he didn’t feel like he was worthless and had Ashton in the way he had always wanted it didn’t make him feel any better. 


	4. Talking doesn't work when all you do is lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm supposed to be studying.

When Luke woke up again it was because it was hot, way to hot. The room was so warm that he felt like he couldn’t breath. Everything was warm and something was pressing down on his chest. It made him panic and it took him quite a while to figure out that it was Ashton that was asleep half on top of him. He had to have moved in his sleep and Luke needed him to get off. Right away, because he spotting a huge boner and if Ashton woke up there was no way he would feel it.

Also Ashton was laying over Luke’s left side witch meant he was pressing down on all of Luke’s fresh cuts. In his panicked state Luke showed Ashton off and went straight to the bathroom to hide. Pretending not to hear Ashton’s yell of surprise as he woke up of the action.

“The hell Luke,” was almost shouted at him as he locked the door and sunk to the floor. Forcing his eyes close and willing Ashton to just leave him alone. Something he knew Ashton would never.

-

It took a few minutes but then Luke heard Ashton barely whisper his name, and he it sounded like he was standing right outside the door. 

“Are you alright Luke?” Ashton asked a little louder and tried the door and pushing his body against it when it didn’t open. 

“Open the door,” he begged and for some reason tried the handle again. Even thought he had to be sure that the door would still be locked. It was more an indicator that Ash was still trying to get into the bathroom, or so Luke thought. Luke didn’t get why he wanted to, he had to hate Luke for whatever had happened the night before. 

There was no way that Luke was opening that door, and there was more than just one reason. He might be really upset and embarrassed about what had happened the night before and just could look at Ashton. But more the more horrible reason was that Luke was still not wearing a shirt, so the hickeys was still right there for anybody to see. For Ash to see, and if he didn’t remember he would know what something happened if he saw.

\- 

“I’m not feeling well, let me throw up in peace,” Luke finally said, managing to keep the shaking in his voice to a minimum. Ashton probably still heard it and knew he was lying.

“It doesn’t sound like you’re throwing up”

“Not yet. What are you even doing in my room?”

It came out much harder than Luke had indented but he had to pretend he didn’t know anything about what had happen. Quite frankly he didn’t know much but he had to pretend like he was completely clueless about it all.

“Don’t you remember anything form last night?”

“I’m remember you guys leaving and me having a drinking game with myself”

“You were upset Luke and I came back to make sure you were alright”

“What was I upset about?”

“You wouldn’t tell me and then I don’t remember more”

Luke really hoped that Ashton was telling the truth because then he didn’t know about whatever had happened with them. That would make everything less terrible and just make Luke’s life a little easier. He still needed Ashton to leave and because he was a fucking idiot he pretended to throw up. 

After that it was silent for way to long, before he heard Ashton moving around outside and then a door slamming shut. 

-

Luke: Im sorry for being such a dick

Calum: Its alright

Luke: No cal its not

Luke: I was such a dick to you and you dont deserve that

Calum: Just be fine and I wont ever be mad at you

Luke: Im great

Calum: Dont lie

Luke: Im mostly fine? 

 

Calum: I really hope you are

-

Calum’s text’s made Luke want to scream and it made it impossible for him to stop the tears that was making their way down his face. Making him shake where he sat in his bed. Thankfully alone, and dressed in clothes that hid both the hickeys and the cuts. Just in case. 

It had been almost an hour since Ashton had left and Luke had never been so grateful for it being a day of before. He would never have managed to deal with going outside today. It was still early, or well it was like two in the afternoon but still. 

Luke had many hours of just staying in his room and pretend that the world outside didn’t exist. Just spend all his time looking aimlessly at the TV, as if he could manage to pay attention. It worked to keep him calm, until his phone went of again.

-

Michael: Where are you? We got food

Luke: Im not hungry

Michael: Youre always hungry

Luke: I already ate

Michael: What 

Luke: Food

Michael: Don’t lie hemmings 

Luke: Im not

Michael: Im coming over with food

Luke: Please dont

Michael: u cant stop me

Michael: I got a keycard for your room 

-

It didn’t take more than five minutes before Michael was making his way into Luke’s room. With food in his hands and a determined look on his face. He looked like he was going to hold a speech for Luke. Witch he probably was, and Luke was so not up to hearing it. He just wanted to sleep for days. 

“You are going to sit right where you are, eat this amazing food I’m giving you and listen to me talk,” Michael said and handed Luke the food. Luke took the food, it smelled amazing. He hadn’t eaten anything yet, and though he really didn’t want to eat it he knew .he would. 

Luke didn’t say anything; he just looked at Michael, waiting for him to begin his speech. Witch Luke was 110% sure of that he had practiced out loud, in front of a mirror. At least twice, while smiling at himself.

“So we both know you have been a shit friend for Calum. Making him feel so bad he even asked me why you didn’t like him anymore. Seriously, he actually asked me that Luke. And I know something is wrong Luke, don’t even try to tell me its not. I can see it and I have been seeing it.”

Michael stopped talking for a second and looked at Luke staring down at his food. Eating it slowly and doing all he could to not look at Michael. 

“And I’m sorry for not saying anything but I didn’t know it was this bad. But you cant take it out on us. I know that you said sorry to Calum. But if you had seen the way Ashton looked this morning you would get why I’m upset. You can’t be mean to him like that Luke. I don’t know what you did or said but you are breaking his heart. For fucks sake Luke, you know how he feels about you”

And Michael kept on talking but Luke wasn’t listening anymore. That one sentence was stuck on repeat in Luke’s mind. He didn’t get what Michael was talking about him. What Ash felt about him? He felt the same thing for Luke as for Calum and Michael? Friendship. Why was that something Michael had to point out? It made no sense. Luke also didn’t realize that Michael had stopped talking, after noticing that Luke seemed to be far away.

-

“What do you mean how he feels about me?”

Michael just looked at Luke like he didn’t get the most obvious thing in the world and, then he just got up and made his way to the door. Opened it, and it seemed like he was just going to leave but he turned at looked at Luke. 

“Look, I don’t know what is wrong and I want to know. But I get that you don’t feel like talking about it right now. So take the day to be sad and figure your mind out. But don’t be cruel to us just because we don’t always understand. Tomorrow we have stuff to do and then you and I are really going talk. For know try to be alright and don’t do anything stupid” 

After talking Michael just stood there, looking at Luke. Like he was waiting for Luke to talk or maybe just cry. He wasn’t sure. So Luke talked. It was all he could manage.

“I’m sorry”

-

Luke: I didn’t mean to make you hate me

Ashton: Luke, I told you I could never hate you. I just don’t understand.

Luke: I’m sorry, I just mess everything up 

Ashton: You don’t

Luke: I don’t want to be this sad

Ashton: what are you sad about?

Luke: Nothing, everything. I just don’t want to feel


	5. Darling I need for you to believe me

Ashton had left Luke’s room feeling like he was the worst person to ever have lived. Like there was nothing he could ever do to make up for what he had done. He was so sure that Luke hated him now, he had to. After Ashton had taken advantage of him like that, when he had been so drunk. It would never be alright. 

The worst part wasn’t that he was sure of that Luke hated him for kissing him. It was the fear of that Luke hated him because Ashton was another boy that had kissed him. That Luke hated him for feeling like that about him because he didn’t approve of boys liking other boys. He was terrified that Luke was so disgusted by him that he would never want to even be his friend again.

He also felt like shit for being scared of that reaction form Luke too. Ashton knew Luke wasn’t like that and would never hate him for such a reason. It was just the fear Ashton had of losing what he had of him that made him think crazy thoughts.

-

By the time Ashton was outside of what he thought was Michaels hotel room the tears was making their way down all of his face. He didn’t even try to stop them. Well aware of the fact that he wouldn’t manage to stop no matter what.

What meet him when the door was a smiling and sleepy Michael and Ashton felt so stupid for ruining his morning. Thought Michaels face turned right into worry and panic when he saw Ashton and before Ashton knew what was going on he was being dragged into a hug so tight that he almost couldn’t breath.

“I fucked up so bad this time Micky” Ashton managed to get out between the tears.

“He really hates me know. And I didn’t mean to do what I did. I just wanted him to stop being so sad and I don’t know what I was thinking. He was so sad and he wouldn’t stop crying and he was just saying all of these bad things about himself. I couldn’t listen to that. And he says that he doesn’t remember but if he didn’t remember he wouldn’t be this mad at me”

Ashton was dragged inside of the room and it wasn’t until after he stopped talking that he noticed that Calum was there too. And that both him and Michael were looking at him like question marks. 

“Let’s take this one thing at the time yeah? So that me and Michael can understand what’s going on,” Calum said calmly and managed to sit Ashton down on the bed. 

“I kissed him” Ashton said quickly and he wanted to go on about how Luke had been really drunk and that it had gone way to far. He wanted to tell them how he was a disgusting man who had taken advantage of Luke when he was drunk. But Ashton couldn’t, all he managed was crying.

-

“Well that was about fucking time wasn’t it”

“Michael! This is really not the time for that. It clearly didn’t go like we all hoped” 

“WAIT. You knew?” Ashton looked confused at the two boys in front of him. He kind of understood that they knew that he had a thing for Luke. It couldn’t be that hard to see the way he looked at him. You really had to be kind of oblivious not to notice. 

“Of course we knew Ash. You and Luke are like to lovesick puppies and I don’t understand how the two of you haven’t sorted yourself out before now” Calum said and looked at Ashton like he was the oblivious one. And Ashton kind of didn’t understand what Calum was saying. They weren’t like that, Luke didn’t like him back. Luke hated him. 

“But Luke don’t feel the same. It just me” Ashton said and his voice was shaking to much for him to say all of the other tings he waned to. 

-

It took some time but Ashton managed to tell Calum and Michael about all the things he remembered form the night. About how stupid he felt for being mean to Luke, and how much he hated himself for fooling around with Luke when he had been so drunk. And lastly he told them about how badly Luke had reacted when he had woken up. 

“I know that he is hurting and that something isn’t right, but he can’t act like he have. Its not only his feelings that matter. And I know he said sorry to Calum, but that’s not enough. I’m going to talk to him. And Ashton, you are going to stay in here until you feel better” Michael had announced when Ashton had told them everything, and then he had left the room.

-

Calum had agreed to sleep in Michaels room and let Ashton have the room to himself. So there was where Ashton was when he had gotten the first text from Luke. And all of the four texts Ashton got made him feel like someone was stabbing him in the chest. He couldn’t even make himself answer the last text. All he did was cry. 

But after half an hour he understood that it was way to awful of him not to answer the text Luke sent.

Ashton: Can we talk?

Luke: About what?

Ashton: You know what

Luke: Can’t we pretend like nothing ever happened? I swear I won’t do anything like it again.

Ashton: What if I don’t want to pretend like nothing happened?

Luke: Why wouldn’t you? Its me you’re talking about. I’m not stupid; you don’t need to be this nice about it. I get it. 

Ashton: I don’t think you understand what I mean at all. Can I please come over?

Luke: I don’t need you telling me this to my face. It already hurts enough. 

Ashton: Please Luke

Luke: Fine


End file.
